Have you ever finished a sales call feeling like you absolutely crushed it—only to never hear from the prospect again?
You go through your checklist…
- They loved your energy.
- They laughed at your jokes.
- They agreed with everything you said.
- They even said, “This sounds great! Let me think about it.”
And now?
Ghosted.
(Harder than my high school crush after prom… HEYO…)
Here’s the lesson that I had to learn the hard way…
You weren’t selling. You were auditioning for friendship.
The ‘Nice Guy’ Sales Trap
Many professionals—especially the ones who hate feeling “salesy”—fall into the trap of wanting to be liked more than they want to close the deal.
They focus on being charming, agreeable, and pleasant.
They believe that if they’re nice enough, fun enough, or friendly enough, the prospect will naturally buy from them.
Why wouldn’t they?
Because People don’t buy from you simply because they like you...
They buy because they trust you can solve their problem.
And here’s the kicker:
Your need to be “liked” is actually hurting your ability to close sales, get promoted, and advance your career, too!
“Too Damn Cute”
A few years ago, I asked my bosses for feedback on my work.
I thought I was doing everything right – I was personable, funny, and great at connecting with people.
I thought that was my edge. I thought that was what made me valuable.
But when they sat me down, they hit me right in the “dam-ego” (get it?):
“Josh, you’re too damn cute. If you want to move to the next level in your career, you need to stop trying to be liked and start focusing on being respected.”
At first, I laughed. I thought they were joking.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to work with someone they liked?
But then it hit me.
- I was being entertaining, not influential.
- I was being relatable, not respected.
- I was making people comfortable, not confident.
Until I matured out of this need to be liked, I was going to stay stuck.
How to Escape the Trap (Without Becoming a Jerk)
I’m not saying you need to be pushy or aggressive.
But you do need to be seen as the person in control of the sale.
Here’s how:
1. Don’t be Afraid of the Contract
Weak: “Let me know if you’d like to move forward.”
Stronger: “Here’s the next step. I’ll send over the details, and we’ll get started. Will you let me know by Friday?”
Why This Works: Dr. Robert Cialdini (Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion) explains that commitment and consistencydrive action. People move forward when the next step feels like a natural progression.
(We’ll work on crafting “next steps” in the “Close Big Sales” Webinar next week.)
2. Make Powerful Invitations
Weak: “You’re not interested? Yeah, that makes sense. I totally get it.”
Stronger: “I hear you, but may I ask you one question— wouldn’t you like to know what you’re saying ‘no’ to before you decide?”
Why This Works: Messages: The Communication Skills Book by Matthew McKay, PhD, shows that excessive agreeableness weakens credibility.
Respectfully challenging people builds influence.
3. Give an Award-Winning Presentation
Weak: Talking about your service like it’s just another option.
Stronger: Making prospects feel like you understand their exact breakdown and that your solution is the answer they’ve always needed.
Why This Works: Prospects don’t want to feel like you can only empathize; they want to feel like you solve.
They don’t buy out of likability – they buy out of clarity and confidence.
(We’ll discuss what an award-winning presentation looks like during our session on March 25th. Click here for more info.)
Nice Guys Don’t Close—Experts Do
I get it.
We all want to be liked.
Being charming, fun, and agreeable feels safe.
It feels natural.
It feels good.
But if you’re losing deals, missing promotions, or getting ghosted by prospects, you need to ask yourself:
Do you want to be liked, or do you want to be respected?
Because the most successful professionals lead the conversation.
And the best part?
You don’t have to choose between being liked and being successful.
You can be both.
You can be trusted AND decisive.
You can be respected AND relatable.
You can close deals WITHOUT feeling salesy.
Join Me for the Close Big Sales Webinars
Join Ambitious Adulting 101 and the Ventura Chamber of Commerce for the Close Big Sales webinars, and you’ll learn how to do all of the above!
For more information, go to the “Close Big Sales” Information Page.
(Registration is free, and if you can’t make it to one of the meetings, recordings will be sent to you.)
BTW – You’re already likable. Don’t worry about that.
It’s time to be respected.
-j